8 Years on...what cancer has taught me
Okay, so it was 8 years ago today that I was given a breast cancer diagnosis. World tossed upside down and sent through a maze of emotions that I didn't know existed.
Looking back, I most likely overreacted to the initial diagnosis because it isn't until you face the word 'terminal', that you really understand the depths of despair.
Anyone who has read my cancer posts in the past will know my story so I am not going to bang on about the crappiness of having cancer, instead I am going to let you know what having an incurable disease has taught me.
Fear - a very scary emotion that can, if you let it, sweep you away into dark and monsterous places that you may not return. I don't often talk about fear, however my way of dealing with fear is to stay present. No matter what I am told will happen in the future, I choose to stay in the here and now. Perhaps that is denial, however it keeps me existing without being defined by fear.
Fear can either leave you immobile or it can kick you into action. I have learnt to use the emotion of fear. The fear of death of course is huge, but for me the fear of not being here for Harry is unbearable. Using that fear is the very reason I strive to achieve a successful business. It is simply to set up something that can benefit him in the future. Harry has his own story of challenges and no matter how great he is doing, will perhaps always need a mum. Whilst the business has a long way to go, I thank those who understand and have helped.
That same fear has helped me create Wednesday's with Harry. I need to cement some memories and posting them gives them a tangible reality.
The other emotion that I have come to use frequently is humour. Not quite sure if humour is classed as an emotion, but it enters my psyche often enough to benefit and counteract the beasts. I feel fortunate that humour comes quite easily and takes the seriousness of life out for a joyride. It simply feels good to laugh. It is the essence of my Wednesday's with Harry, it is the icebreaker in awkward moments, it is the light against the dark and it is absolutely necessary for me to exist.
So there you go...we have learnt that fear, whilst really crap, can be somewhat helpful and that we need to lighten up and laugh more. Simple!